Regimental TUNES should be played to rally all the troops
VESTS will be waved in glee, no doubt.
That, or you can lob some rancid STEWS in their general direction
A few SWEAR words might be heading in your direction
At the moment I DREAM of a white Christmas so I can try out my new sledge and crampons
It would make the birds BREAD go all soggy me thinks...
I can see a stint in REHAB being on the cards in January.
Apparently, any person sporting a full BEARD and attempting any descent of a chimney over the festive period has to comply with new Health and Safety regulations about high vis jackets and risk assessment protocols.
And if they DARED to do it without a hard-hat the law would come down on them like a ton of bricks.....
If the Health and Safety boffins CARED about the dilema Santa faces with modern chimneys then they would think twice about insisting on steel-lined Christmas trousers
Its a good job that he doesn't have to deliver all the CARDS himself or we would have skinny santa - he might get down the chimneys easier though...
True...Santa will certainly shed loads of CARBS, but do we really want a skinny Santa?